I realized something recently: The junkie who asks you for money on the street is a self-made man.
I was watching “The Big Lebowski” with my family. The Dude was wandering around a supermarket, looking defeated.
My brother quipped, “A self-made man.” I couldn’t contain my laughter.
“A self-made man.”
We always use this expression to refer to people who, despite growing up in very unfavorable conditions, managed to lead successful lives.
Three random examples:
Frederick Douglass, born a slave in the 19th century, learned to read and write in secret from his masters. When he managed to escape, he contributed enormously to the abolitionist movement through the power of his words. His work, Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, continues to inspire readers today.
J.K. Rowling, a single mother on the brink of poverty, became one of the most successful authors of our time. Her work, Harry Potter (do I even need to say it?), has become the first literary love for millions of children, myself included.
Ronald Read, a mechanic and janitor, managed to amass $8 million through saving and investing. He led a modest life, with no one suspecting the fortune he was accumulating, until in his will, he left $6 million to a hospital and a library.
These are just three examples of individuals who, through their effort and smart decisions, managed to leave their mark on the world.
But the equation works the other way around too; the Dude has made himself.
The substance-addicted person you see lying on the street has made himself.
The man who is bitter and resentful about his job has made himself.
People who go through catastrophic divorces, causing so much suffering around them, have made themselves.
Even though we don’t use the expression, we know it’s true. They are responsible for the bad situation they find themselves in, just as Frederick Douglass was responsible for his freedom and, through his influence, the freedom of many others.
Nah, not me
But what about us? You and I, haven’t we made ourselves too?
Who caused the problems we may have now? Who made us fat? Who spent the money we could have saved? Who causes us to have that persistent cough from smoking?
The extra pounds I carry are the direct result of a lack of exercise and the indulgent dinners I’ve been having for six months.
The lack of savings to own a house is the necessary consequence of not seeking higher income or wasting my resources on unnecessary luxuries.
The poor relationship I have with my partner is due to my decision not to set and communicate my boundaries clearly, or perhaps not caring about the boundaries of the person who is supposed to mean so much to me.
Not everything is negative. Our achievements, those things we are proud of, are also our own doing.
Your command of a second language, the good relationship you have with your friends, the job you worked so hard to get, all of these are present in your life thanks to your decisions and effort.
If you’re reading this, it’s most likely that you’re neither a junkie nor J.K. Rowling. On the scale from the haggard man who only thinks about delaying his pain through drugs, to the woman who has achieved a fortune by doing precisely what she loves most, earning the respect and affection of millions; it’s most likely that you’re somewhere in between.
The actions you take in the next hour, in the next day, and in the coming months, will bring you closer to one side or the other.
In fact, both our drug addict and our writer can continue to build themselves and be completely different people a year from now. They can even embark on an odyssey of transformation and back.
A good example of this fluctuation is Rich Roll. He went from being a successful lawyer and semi-professional athlete to being an alcoholic completely immersed in a self-destructive journey. Thanks to his awareness of the problem and the help he decided to seek, he took back control of his life.
Today, he is a recognized athlete, author, and podcaster. Personally, one of my favorites for the humility that his passage through the darkness of the human psyche has provided him.
Compassion
I would like to clarify to anyone who perceives a lack of compassion in my words.
Childhood abuse, an economic crisis, an impoverished community… It’s true that all these factors push people to alleviate their deep pain through substances or harmful habits.
But there’s something I’m certain of.
Acknowledging the added difficulty of being thrown into such circumstances, what belief makes people more powerful?
To be an impotent victim, or a free soul, capable of changing themselves, their environment, and the very future?
The fact of pointing out that an obese person is responsible for their situation does not mean accusing them of being weak. On the contrary, I firmly believe that we can all end up in the most miserable situations, but also that, at any moment, we can escape them and reach new heights of freedom and joy that we do not believe are possible for our lives.
I don’t want to accuse anyone.
Quite the opposite, I want it to be recognized as one of the most wonderful truths, that we have ALL THE POWER at our disposal to take back control of our destiny, to be the person we want to be, the person we would admire if we met them.
I hope these words help you remember that you can make the decision to shape yourself into a better you, at every moment.
It’s certainly something I forget all too often.